Gucci stared at Big Momma, perplexed, but listening with intent.
Big Momma went on. "So, here's the deal. I give you the hand. You get me outta here from the outside of the gate. Cool?"
Gucci flicked a fly from her ear and nodded in slow motion.
But little did Big Momma know that cows are smarter than they look. Their placid demeanor and dazed eyes are all a farce.
Gucci spoke to her
Far behind Gucci, the goats screamed in violent protest to no avail.
With a single backward glance at the ranch she called home, she opened her mouth, stuck out her tongue, and used the magic hand to open the gate. It was an empowering moment to have the use of the proverbial opposable thumb. Oh, the possibilities! Not only could she mow all the grass on her property, the neighbor's property, and the next property over, she had sniffed the air and figured out there was a swimming pool nearby. And mesquite bean pods. So many bean pods like little, tasty sugar cookies sprinkled all over the place. And they belonged to HER and her MINIONS!
Her entourage of loyal followers mooed as she led them to greener pastures. It was freedom, the ability to come and go as they pleased as long as they possessed the hand!
They munched. They frolicked. They eyed the unfenced swimming pool with abandon, planning cannonball contests. This was the resort she'd longed for. And the hand had made it all possible!
Sadly, her owner got wind of her betrayal. She pulled up in her silver truck with a wide-eyed look of concern.
Gucci, fearful of being seen as anything but innocent, nodded at T-Bone-Mr.Sandwich-Texas-Baby-Cow. "It was him," she mooed. "All his idea. I tried to stop him! But you know how he doesn't listen and gets all stubborn."
Her owner hugged Gucci, forgiving her because she loved her the most. Because Gucci is awesome and adorable with those big, brown innocent eyes. Then she grabbed Gucci by the ear like a misbehaving child and led her to the corral of time-out shame.
But not quite.
They bashed their loosely chained gate and escaped. And they took back the hand. And after that, they took the rest of the alfalfa and the whole bin of sweet feed. And for good measure they ate all the bits of hay that had fallen on the floor in the milking area. And they ate and ate until they felt like they would explode.
Then, when their owner returned for the evening chores, they smiled their goatly smiles, and donned their goatly halos. They followed their owner right back into their pen like they little angels they pretended they were. Just to show that the cows were really the evil ones.